Grown up sleepovers

Grown up Sleepovers – The Truth, The Planning and The Rules

Grown up sleepovers or, more precisely, just “overs,” because sleeping on the pull-out couch at your boyfriend’s house in your 40s means no sleep at all…and maybe a trip to the chiropractor

Regardless of your age, dating—and the “sleepovers” that come with it—requires some planning.

In my teens, I didn’t really date anyone because I was too busy trying to control acne, a moustache and the food stuck in my braces.

In my 20s, I went to musical theatre school and there were slim pickings because most of the grown men were finally able to be themselves and were dating each other. It was so very inspiring and romantic …for them. I dated one of the few straight men in the program (so did every other woman in first, second and third year).



Dating and sleepovers in college consisted of scraping together $12 for a mickey of vodka to take to an Into the Woods themed house party—and packing a toothbrush and condoms. (Yes I was that girl who would take care of myself and be responsible.) I wasn’t kidding myself by thinking that my guy, one of the very few straight guys in the program, was faithful to me. He wanted into all of our woods and I didn’t blame him.

After we broke up so he could date my best friend, I graduated from college and moved to Toronto, where I had a lot of sleepovers in low-ceilinged basement apartments. My packing technique didn’t change much from my college days, but the market value of those basement apartments sure has!


When I met my ex-husband I was working in the U.S. We’d see each other once a month and it was really exciting to spend a weekend with him. We were together for 17 years with two kids, so we all know how that goes: missionary for five minutes once a month. He was lucky if my legs were hairless and my bra matched my panties.

Cut to separating and having to navigate the dating scene at 45. Taking a page from the  “break-up rule book,” I worked out my anger and stress at the gym and didn’t give a shit about dating. What happens? They can smell the disinterest like it’s a freshly made Lazy Daisy Cafe Rise and Shine breakfast sandwich (my local fave) and want to eat it up!


I’m making it sound like I had hordes of men lining up. There were two. And one Tinder letdown. My first gentleman caller had kids like me. He had them 50 per cent of the time, but somehow, the likelihood of kids being home while an adult sleepover is happening is about 90 per cent.

One time we were sleeping in my bed and my daughter walked in, in the middle of the night— frightened by the sound of his sleep apnea machine. I had to sleep in her room and convince her I was not dating Darth Vader.

When you’re in your 40s and you sleep in a bed that’s not your own, you’re committing to losing a night’s sleep. Let’s. Be. Honest. That 15 minutes of tired, self-conscious, awkward sex is a sacrifice of seven precious hours of shut-eye.


I’m still dating the “second guy,” by the way. And yes, he has a kid. I’ve slept on his pull-out couch more than I’d like to, but after a chiro adjustment, I’m fine and I think it proves my commitment to the relationship.

I don’t understand the term ‘walk of shame.’ Anyone who is organized enough to plan childcare, pack a bag and sleep on a pull-out couch so the child isn’t emotionally scarred by seeing a stranger in dad’s bed, and then quietly have sex in the laundry room (while actually doing a load of whites) deserves to be celebrated, not shamed. If it’s a single mom? I silent salute you.

I will be heading over to Bite Beauty Lip Lab on Queen Street West to create my own custom lipstick that I will proudly wear every morning when I leave my boyfriend’s house after an “over.” The name of the colour? Walk of Game!


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About the Author

Erin Keaney

Erin Keaney

  Erin Keaney is an actor, singer and comedian who has toured North America in hit shows including Crazy For You and the original US tour of Rent. She’s appeared on The Comedy Network, YTV, CTV and produces a live stand up show in Toronto called Time Out. Find her online at Comments

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